I was never a huge fan of REM growing up. Emotionally,they were a little all over the board for me. They were happy go lucky one minute, and then bringing you to tears in the next. This definitely clashed with the Nirvana- Pearl Jam-Offspring-Teen Angst theme I had going. It was much easier to put on my flannel, Airwalks, watch another episode of “My So Called Life” and head out the door with a pout on, wondering if my Jordan Catalano would even notice me. So much wasted Energy. But then, I didn’t care about how my energy affected myself, let alone other people.
3 years ago, I had decided that I wanted to have a career with food. I didn’t know what that looked like, and I didn’t know how I would get there, but I had no doubts that it was what I should be doing. Then, as it so happens in life, I went through some very rocky times. During which I wanted NOTHING to do with food- It was all I could do to force a zone bar down a day. At that time I was so glad that I hadn’t chosen the food path. How could I possibly take responsibility for feeding people in the midst of my storm, there was no way I wanted to infuse their lives with any more negativity than they already had. (for the record, I absolutely believe that you infuse a part of yourself in your food,) and I couldn’t take that risk.
Yes, I am well aware of the “shake it off” strategy. I was a Softball Pitcher for 10 years. If I acted injured for a second, I was pulled from the game so the second or third string pitcher would go in. No WAY did I want that. So, I learned to fake it. I became a professional Faker.
Sometimes though, we just can’t come out of our fog, and faking it isn’t the right answer. Sometimes, we just need to feel it.
So I did, and swore that food was not my path because I was sure there were going to be difficult times at another point in my life. And then what was I going to do? Call in Sick? Yeah right. go ahead and read Kitchen confidential if you want a taste of what that life is like- Sick don’t cut it.
I have since learned that this path that I’ve chosen is not going to be an easy one. There will be challenges and hiccups, Broken hearts, Broken Knives, and Bruised tomatoes. 🙂 I’ve since learned to deal with all of that in a different way.
I Count my blessings. I stop feeling sorry for myself. I take a minute to acknowledge and mourn my loss, whatever it is- even a rotten avocado. (I’m not kidding, I have shed a tear over a less than stellar avocado. There is a witness ) Then my fog lifts.
and I know I’m doing a good thing.